Best movie ever, it can be summed up in four easy words.....GIANT ROBOT KNIFE FIGHT!

So Newgroundlings, I've got several ideas for stories but currently have time for one. Which should I invest my time in?

-Dinosaur Ally Force! (Dinosaurs in WW2)
-SharkHunt
-Magic Donkey
-The World's fastest Kenyan

DECIDE!

Ok then, dinosaurs it is!

A few drawings I did of some "Elder Gods" I thought up. The Prophet and Lunar Worm can both be found in my story Lunar Apocalypse. I'm trying to think of a fifth if anyone has ideas....

This is one of the shorten sories I've written called Hynes. Its a sort of prequel to my other latest story Lunar Apocalypse. Enjoy, but if I find this anywhere else you'll be found dead with your legs shoved up your nose.

Hynes

"Gentlemen," said Gormax, mob boss of Endos-4, "I've brought you all here today to discuss one thing, our problem with Mister Hynes." He spat out the last two words, and the room erupted in frantic whispers.
"Shaddup!" his bodyguard yelled from behind his seat.
The room was quickly silenced. "Thank you Marg," Gormax continued, "Now we all know what Hynes has be doing to our various branches of business..."

The three drug runners sat in the middle of the dimly lit room playing cards. They grunted with laughter while playing, paying no heed to the masses of loot or loose drugs, yet to be delivered.
There was a knock on the door.
"Vork off!" the largest one called out. The knock came again, harder and more determined. He gave an angry sigh and walked over to the door, mumbling in anger. He bent over and looked through the peephole....BAM!!! The door around his face splintered apart, something pulled his head in through the hole. His buddies jumped to their feet and rushed over, trying to pull him back in the room by his shoulders. There was a tearing noise, and a wet squish as they both fell backward, each holding tight onto the limp body of their (now faceless) comrade.
Hynes kicked in the rest of the door with a heavy black boot, and strode in. He grabbed a couple syringes off a table as he passed.
Hynes flipped them needle up, and lunged at the alien on the left. They stabbed deep into the eyes of the druggy, who in his rudeness was screaming directly in Hynes's face. His thumbs depressed the piston pumps, injecting the brightly colored toxins into the creature's brain. The last dealer tried to run as Hynes was busy, but he dropped the druggy, and whirled around catching the other by the back of the pants.
He reached down into his pants, and yank upward ferociously. The man went limp as Hynes's gloved hand came out, the entire length of the man's colon clamped in a black-gloved fist. He let the slick, ropey coils fall to the ground, and pulled a cigarette from his jacket.
He lit it, stood there for a moment inhaling deeply. His face was ghostly in the light of the ember. He threw the cigarette into the piles of dirty money suddenly and without any warning. The blaze started quickly, the flames eerily mirrored in Hynes's unblinking eyes. He turned slowly, and briskly left the flaming room the way he'd come in.

"...When I started looking for him I underestimated him. But he got worse and worse..." said Gormax with a grimace. "I ended up pooling all of our 'company's money...I spent half of it hiring various hitmen to capture or kill Hynes. They all failed." At this new the entire room burst into angry shouts.

Hynes was strolling down the market district when someone caught his eye. The salesgirl outside Matron Zorquad's Nourishment facility was giving away free muffins. Hynes quickened his pace slightly, bushed past some robed priests, and approached her.
"Care for free moofin?" she asked in a heavy accent. Hynes picked one up off the tray and sniffed it, checking for poison that wasn't there. He took a bite, it was great. Hynes gave her a small nod of thanks (the most emotion he'd shown all week), and turned to continue on his errand. She gave him a sickeningly happy smile, but as soon as he'd turned around she quickly turned and mouthed 'now!' to the waiting priests.
Hynes barely had time to react. He heard their robes whip around, and he experienced the split second chill as their atomizers charged. It didn't matter though, he was always faster.
His arm shot out, grabbing the conspiring muffin girl around her waist and pulling her close to him. She managed to absorb most of the fire. And when the smoke cleared Hynes had left the girl dead, and the 'priests' alive, but no muffins were found.

"But!" Gormax shouted over the crowd, "We've finally caught him!" The room was instantly silent, and he whispered something to Marg, who promptly exited the room. "Bring him in..."

Hynes was rolled out into the room in a large, iron cage. Iron, he could've broken it by now, but he figured he'd give them a show; everyone did come to see him after all.
"He'll kill us all!" said one of the mobsters, "You shouldn't have brought him here Gormax!"
"It's perfectly safe," said Gormax, " there's no way he'll-"
"Actually," said a growling voice, "the Aldarian is right, you're all as good as dead." Gormax's (and everyone else's) blood froze as they realized it was Hynes who was speaking. The mob boss's hand slid down to the blaster on his hip.
"No, no," continued Hynes, "that toy isn't going to help you at all now." His leg shot backward, catching Marg in the groin. His pelvis was shattered.
Gormax fired, Hynes dodged the shot easily, and the blaster fire just melted a hole in the back of the cage. Hynes leapt out of the steaming hole, and snatched up Marg's keyring as he landed. He charged the Aldarian, grabbing him with on hand, a and viciously punching him with the sharper bits of the keys with the other. Hole after bloody hole was punched into him until another jumped onto Hynes's back. Gormax foolishly shot him off before he managed to slit Hynes's throat.
Hynes turned from the dead men and punched the one running at him square in the face, his head snapped back, neck broken. Four others rushed him in a desperate bid, but Hynes remained calm and swooped down, grabbing Broken-Neck by his legs. He furiously swung the lifeless body at his attackers; the first two were thrown to the ground, one's bones broke and his organs ruptured on impact; Hynes didn't even have time to hit the last one before a stain spread across his pants and he fainted dead away. He quickly stomped in the heads of the first two and turned to face a terrified Gormax.
BLAM! The laser from Gormax's blaster caught Hynes dead in the center of his chest. Hynes didn't even flinch. He approached Gormax, who fired twice more with the same affect. He fell to the ground sobbing as Hynes looked down on him.
He picked up the small, fat mob boss by his shoulders and looked him dead in his eyes.
"Please...please..." sobbed Gormax, " I can give you anything you want money, power, a new ship! Please!"
Hynes's cold eyes stared into his as he said, "I've gotten everything I need from you. It's the pleasure I do it for, the pleasure of ridding this galaxy of a few more vermin." With that said his head shot forward, and he bit into Gormax's nose. He predictably began to scream as Hynes pulled back and ripped his nose clean off.
He spit it out and said, "Oh, I hope you don't mind but I've left you a little present." Gormax looked up to see explosives strapped to the bottom of his overturned chair.

Hynes started up Gormax's private ship, and rocketed out of the Orbiting Meeting Center of Endos-4 just as it exploded. Man, Hynes loved explosions.

So as like three of you know I wrote a story about a Troll (in space) who had prostate cancer. If you haven't its an earlier post, so go read it. This however its its epic sequel. While the actual thing is about 11 pages typed I don't have alot of time on my hands, so I'll be updating and reposting occasionally. So here it is I present LUNAR APOCALYPSE! *If anyone uses this story without my permission I'll strangle you with your own colon.

Hank the Spacetroll: Lunar Apocalypse

Hank's long muscular arm reached out and grabbed the mug. He lifted it and dumped its viciously pink contents into his mouth. A grimace crossed his face, and he gulped it down. Hank called out for another ; the octobot waiter hovered over to him, another mug clamped in one of its seven arms.
"Thanks." he grunted, as he placed a few counterfeit credits into its profit slot. A door slammed somewhere behind him in the near-empty space pub. Larrando sauntered up to him and thumped him on the back with a shriveled hand. Hank groaned loudly.
"Still under the weather?" Larrando's disembodied voice asked. His large eyeball of a head seemed to peer into Hank's soul.
"Uuuugghhhh..." he responded, "I shouldn't have let you talk me into eating that crap. My stomach's been on fire ever since..." He gave a smelly belch.
"As I remember," Larrando smugly chuckled, "It was your idea to eat him in the first place. And by the way, best meal I'd ever had."
"It was the worst I've ever-" he paused mid sentence, a strange look on his face. "Oh no.." He paused once more, but began furiously puking this time. He managed to coat the octobot and most of the pub's bar in bright pink and green vomit before making a mad dash to the bathroom.
The octobot collapsed to the ground, black smoke and bright sparks poured from its metallic corpse. Larrando glanced around, lifted a hand, and Hank's assorted slime rose into the air, sticking onto the ceiling. It stayed there; Larrando gave a shrug and sat down on one of the novelty stools. There was adventure coming, he could smell it in the vomit.
Hank sat on the toilet panting. Almost as soon as he'd finished blowing chunks out of the top they came roaring out of the other end. He felt another bout coming and clenched up. It didn't help much, and he soon found himself rolling around the stall floor in pain. Moaning in agony he lifted himself up with the toilet bowl.
Something dark, but also shining broke the surface for a split second. Hank caught sight of white runes etched into its surface, along with what he thought to be a white worm. It bobbed back under, and Hank did the only reasonable thing to do at a moment like that; he reached into the fetid water trying to snatch it up. Every time he almost managed to catch it, it would slip back out and evade his grasp. It sank deeper and deeper until finally he pulled it up and out with a feces covered arm.
He studied it. About six inches long it was obviously some kind of crystal, but not like any he had ever seen before. The thing itself was black, but the etchings on it were white; save one, he shuddered as he realized it was a miniature Gorlagg etched into the very stone. But the other side had a much different worm, this one seemed better somehow. It had eyes, runes, and white designs all over its slender body, but its head was strangest of all. It had four flowerlike petals, a bloodshot eye on each, surrounding a tentacle-filled mouth. He knew at once this was a magical object; he had to show Larrando.
"Larrando! Larrando! " Hank shouted. some patrons in the bar glanced over, but none paid much attention to him. "I uhhh... found this well, thing. Any chance you know what it is?" He thrust the (thankfully clean) object into Larrando's hands. Larrando stared at it (which was about all he could do) in a shocked way.
"Where did you get this?" he whispered in shocked surprise.
"It's, it's not really that important..." Hank quickly responded. He fought to hold back and embarrassed look from his face look from his face, but ultimately failed.
Larrando figured out what had happened almost immediately. "This could be one of the most important objects in the galaxy!" he frantically whispered, "And you crapped it out in some backcountry space-pub?!"
"What?" Hank asked. "How's it important, what do you mean?"
"I don't exactly know what it is," Larrando said, " but it is powerful, I can sense that. It may be even more powerful than the platypus..." He whispered. He started back up again though, "I do know someone who could figure this thing out though."
"And who might that be?" Inquired Hank while staring at the object in Larrando's hands.
" He's an old friend of mine, he's called Prophet nowadays because he's a religious nut job."
"Religious nut job?" asked Hank, "but weren't you a High Priest?"
Larrando stared at him for a moment and continued, "So yeah, I think he'll be able to tell us what this thing is and what it does. Only problem is, we don't have a way to get to the moon he lives on now."
"Oh, you just leave that to me." said Hank, pulling a wad of fake credits from his pocket.

"Well," said Larrando, "at least you picked a nice one." The massive garbage barge loomed over them in its moorings. It was a massive, but broken and frail looking thing.
"Well it was the only ship heading to Sol; besides, I think It'll run." replied Hank.
"This thing wouldn't last a minute in a museum, much less on a deep space voyage!" he said with an unusual tone of anger in his voice. To prove his point he smashed a hand onto the large white M on the side of the ship. There was a thwack! and the space barge rocked, some refuse even slid off the mountains of trash in its bay. Larrando's voice deepened into a more savage growl," Once again you've managed to make an idiotic mess of things Space-Tro-" He abruptly ended his rant there.
"Larrando are you okay," Hank suspiciously asked. "Is there something that wrong?"
"No, no I'm sorry Hank. I just got a little bit frustrated and something just...came over me." While voicing his apology his hand rose to the object, now on a pendant around his neck, and began to rub it slowly. Hank eyed the crystal. Larrando stared straight back at him as his thumb crossed the image of Gorlagg.
BANG! They both jumped out of their stupor as the large, adamantium door practically blew open as a large beast stomped across the gangplank (nearly breaking it with his weight). Cans and metal bits ties to his large waist jangled as he walked. Small stalked eyes popped off the top of his head, which rested on a massive green body. Scratching his prodigious gut he opened his mouth to reveal double rows of sharp, but crooked and discolored teeth.
"OY!" he roared, "witcherer one of ya be bangin on me ship, I'll snap yer neck!" Babby 'ere u'll barely last in a museum, murch less deep spayce you keep hittin her like tha!"
His arrival strangely lightened the mood to a great amount. Larrando now seemed no longer angry in the slightest; in fact, Hank knew he'd be smiling his widest if he could.
"By the way, name's Sump," he stuck out a muscular hand coated in oil, "and I'll be yer captain."

"Dinner's surved!" Sump called out through the intercom of the Mistake's living quarters." Get it now 'fore ya get it twice!" Hank plodded into the kitchen and collapsed into one of the four chairs around the small table. The ship's third passenger, a shadowy, fishlike creature named Hynes, slid in behind Hank and gracefully sat.
"Hynes." Hank said in greeting. Hynes nodded, emotionless and unsmiling as always. Only the gill slits on his neck quivered slightly.
Sump emerged from the steaming cookroom wearing his usual unwashed mealtime apron. He was carrying a large platter, his face was obscured by the purple boiled spider it bore. "Seein' as this be the last nite ye'll spend on tha ole Mistake here, I gotchas sumthin special." He tossed the platter onto the table with a grin on his face, but it was suddenly lost as one of the spider's legs began to twitch. It flipped onto its back with amazing speed, and charged at Hank while hissing madly. Hynes stood and pushed Hank back out of his seat with speed almost as amazing as the spider's. Just as it leapt Hynes caught it from the back and tried to pull it away from Hank, he barely made it. Purple Spider hissed again and snapped at Hank, its jaws mere inches from his face. It tried to eviscerate his face again and- THUD! Sump's meat cleaver smashed into its abdomen with a gooey thump. He extracted it along with generous amount of the spider's ichor and bits of its carapace.
He sniffed the end of the soiled cleaver and then turned to them, "Oy!" he grunted, "Yeh coulda helped us ou' a bit there Eyeball Man!" Hank, Sump, and even Hynes turned to face Larrando's usual spot at the table, but he wasn't there. "Wai', were is he?"

Larrando stood at the top of the Mistake's garbage bay. A circle had been cleared around him, turning the top of the tallest trash mountain into a plateau. Wind whipped his robes around as he stood there, arms thrust spaceward. The pendant/crystal, still hung around his neck, was glowing blod red.
"COME TO ME!" he roared in a voice that wasn't his. "COOOOOME!!!!" And they were coming, coming very fast indeed.

"He's-actually, I haven't seen him since yesterday morn-" Like lightning a flaming figure smashed through the Mistake's outer hull, it roared into the galley knocking Hank and Sump to the floor. Hynes wasn't so lucky; the flaming object smashed directly into his chest and sent through the walls with it. They didn't even have time to realize what had happen as another blew its way into the already blazing galley.
The back of Sump's apron was singed as he tried to stand back up. "AH!" he screamed in surprised panic. "THAS HOT, THAS HOT! GEH IT OFF! " He turned circles, slapping at his back, but his size caused him to trip, and he fell straight down into Hynes's hole.

Hank crawled deeper and deeper into the half-melted hole, he had to find Sump and Larrando. Apparently it was leading into the garbage bay, because the smell was getting worse and worse the farther in he went. Hank managed to push on just a bit farther, and suddenly found himself out of the tunnel. He was on a pile of tin cans leaning against the inner wall of the ship, just as he was about to hop off the pile he stopped and looked down. He wasn't on a small pile of cans, he was hundreds of feet in the air looking out over the garbage bay. Hank twisted in vertigo, and just like Sump before him, he slipped.
"Beeeeeeeanssssss...."Came an unearthly cry as he rattled the cans with his descent. He splashed down uncomfortably in a puddle of stick sauce-like liquid. A few cans rattled down after him.
"Ugh..." he groaned, "what is this stuff?" He tasted a bit off of his finger, "Beans?"
"Beeeeansss....foooood.....huuuuunger.
..." came another ghoulish reply.The lights suddenly went out.
"This just couldn't get any worse." he muttered under his breath, half afraid that they would. They suddenly did as Sump's emergency lights came on; it turned out they weren't regulation, or even practical. They were large hovering disco balls. In their light Hank noticed the puddle of cold beans was beginning to bubble around him. He stumbled over to the main disruption, a small geyser of beans and bubbles. Hanks peered downward, the disco balls flickered, and the beans exploded outward.
A massive, filthy hand in cutoff gloves grabbed Hank by his head. It tried to pull him into the murk that would've been his certain doom, but grabbed its arm and pulled back twice as hard. The raggedy man burst out of the pool bellowing. His long, unshaven beard was stained with beans. His jacket and scarf smelled of cheap booze; his teeth were blackened and his breath rotted.
He smashed the muffled Hank against the can mountain again and again, harder and harder each time. With all the pressure on him Hank couldn't take it anymore, the smell, the rapid movements, and this disgusting fellow...he puked. It sprayed out covering the man's hand and most of his face . He instantly dropped Hank, while screaming as his skin blackened and burned. Hank fell to his knees while wiping his mouth, the beast sank back into the puddle.
A can dropped beside him. He picked it up; Matron Zorquad's baked Beans, the label read. The image on the side was one of a fat, elderly alien holding a large frying pan. Another can fell beside him, and then another. Hank looked up to see the entire mountain begin to collapse.
"Here it is! Here it is!" screeched another a beast as it rounded a corner and spotted Hank. Chilling screams and moans echoed around him as hundreds more of the putrid beasts climbed through, under, and over the filth to get to him. He could see their ghastly faces lit against the moon...
"Moon?" he said in surprise looking up to see a rapidly approaching moon. The Mistake was going to crash, the beasts were drawing closer, Sump and Larrando were still missing, and the mountainous piles of trash were beginning to collapse around him.
Hank pulled a busted, lopsided pair of sunglasses out of a gutted television and flipped them on. He was ready for this.
Hank ran at the horde as fast as he possibly could. They moaned, snapped, and tried to pull him down, but he loosed punch after fearsome punch on them as they began to surround him. He wasn't going to go down without a fight.
"Hank! Hank, s'dat you?!" Sump's brutish voice called out.
"Sump where are you?" he called out as he punched an old hag in the teeth.
"Look up 'ere!" Sump called back. He laughed madly and yelled out, "Come an' get it yah' blood humless!" Hank looked up to see him beating the hordes of Homeless, the beasts, off a small hill of compost he'd just climbed. Sump pointed back the way Hank had come from, and Hank saw the mountain had fallen, and was rushing right at them. The Mistake buckled a few times as it entered the moon's atmosphere.
The walls of trash halted mere inches away from Hank's face. Even the homeless froze in wonder to look at it. The ship entered the atmosphere completely, and Hank began floating upwards toward the lunar surface, they were being pulled in by its gravity.

The Prophet gave the egg a light pat as he passed. He gave a sigh that flapped his massive cheeks; he was bored. He sat down in the shade of the giant egg. The congregation wouldn't arrive for a few more drectars...he might as well make himself comfortable while he waited, he thought as he looked up into the night sky. He didn't even noticed the small blue planet he was orbiting tonight, all he saw was a flaming garbage barge headed straight for him.

Hank and Sump raced across the lunar wastes toward what appeared to be a massive egg in the distance, the Homeless horde trailing behind them. Behind them the Mistake shook with a few minor explosions; the Homeless, easily distracted as always, watched in awe.
"Get down!" Hank yelled. They rolled into a crater just in front of the egg-thing , and braced themselves. They waited, nothing happened.
"Isn't it going to blow?" Hank cautiously asked.
Sump's eyes extended with a *pop* and he looked over the edge of the crater. "Nup, nuthin heppening." He grunted in semi-relief.
"Excuse me gentlemen," said a cool, deep voice from behind them, "but I don't think that's the best place to leave your ship." They turned to see a large, frightening looking creature in a white robe looking down at them. He was pointing a massive claw at the Mistake's smoldering ruin.
"You," Hank asked, "are you the Prophet?"
"Yes," said he, "and by the way are those fellows over there with-"
"No time," Hank interrupted, " I've got something I have to show you..." He reached down into his pocket for the crystal. "Oh no...Larrando..." he said, remembering him and the crystal he had with him. He turned to look at the remains of the Mistake, the Prophet and Sump turned with him, only to look straight into the massive eye of Larrando himself.
He cackled a horribly familiar laugh and stepped toward them. "Looking for this?" he growled evilly while holding up the crystal. "You're not awakening that worm Space-Troll. Your Bubbling Eye is blind, Prophet. Your ship has been destroyed..beast, and Space-Troll, YOU SHALL SUFFER THE SAME FATE I DID! DESTROY THEM!"
The Homeless surged around them attacking as ferociously as the pushed them up against the egg. "I've beaten you once before Gorlagg," said Hank as he realized what had happened. "And I'll do it again tonight!"
"FOOL!" said Larrando, pushing bck the Homeless and leaning toward Hank. "I AM NO LONGER GORLAGG, BUT GORLANDO! SPACE-WORM EYEBALL GOD!!!!"
This was the chance the Prophet had been waiting for, his short fur bristled and he lunged at Gorlando, delivering a powerful left hook with his flamed tattooed fist. There was a wet squish as the Prophet's punch connected, and while he was dazed Hank grabbed the crystal off is chain.
Prophet's eyes widened as he saw the object. "Get that to the top quickly!" He shouted over the noises of the battle. Hank dug into the warm, squish side of the egg and began to scale its surface. Sump tried to cover his retreat, madly swinging his cleaver he went down heroically. The Prophet lasted slightly longer, but he went down as well, and the Homeless began to climb after Hank up the side of the egg.
Gorlando shot into the air, his hands were circled by crackling red lightning. "YOU LOSE SPACE TROLL!" He roared, and shot the lightning into the egg's base. Flames sprouted up licking and burning the moist egg; massive cracks burst across the moon's surface as more and more pressure was put on its already weakened form.
Flames licking at the heels of his boots Hank threw himself onto the top of the egg. He jammed the crystal into the first thing he saw on the top, a small hole barely big enough for it to fit into. The egg rumbled as he did so, but nothing else happened. Hank booted a bulbous headed man with a moustache off the side, but soon there would be too many around him to stop.
"AND NOW SPACE-TROLL, YOUR BEST FRIEND, THE VERY ONE WHO AIDED YOU IN DESTROYING ME WILL BE YOUR DEMISE!!! HOW....POETIC!" He cackled madly as he directly hit Hank in the chest with lightning, sending him flying off the egg into the crowd. The egg rumbled again as Gorlando cackled.

It shook one last time, and exploded open. The Worm's upper body shot forward, its petal head open to reveal a bloodshot eye on each 'petal' and a mouthful of ivory tentacles. They all lashed of, grabbed Gorlando and pulled him in. A few others stabbed into his pupil.
"NOOOO!!" He hissed and screeched, but to no avail. The tentcales dug in deeper. Black smoke and dark magics poured from his eye, the Worm's tentacles shining stark white against the evil. LArrando went limp, and the Lunar Worm gently set him on its back. Its many eyes blinked and its runes shone brightly against its black body along with its many wondrous designs. It gave a deep trumpeting call, and shot forward, leaving a trail of sparkles.

The Homeless battered Hank. He hurt terribly and figured they were eating him alive; he couldn't feel his left hand anymore. Suddenly there was a tremendous bellow, and Homeless were thrust aside by a large, white tentacle. The Lunar Worm slithered up to Hank through the fire and steam of the breaking down moon. He was picked up carefully and deposited on the back of the strangest creature he'd ever seen.

It swooped in a and rescued Sump and the Prophet i much the same way, although the ywere miraculously less battered than Hank.
"The Lunar Worm," said the Prophet as they left the moon behind them flying into space. "She's more beautiful than I'd ever imagined.
"She?" asked Hank. The Prophet nodded in response as they passed over the ruins of the Mistake.
"Ah, e'm gunna miss tha ship..."Sump said sadly; a small tear trickled from the corner of his eye. "Wull ah leas she's going to go out in ah fiury 'splosion...I think shed like tha'..."
"We're all okay thanks to the Worm," said Hank," And that's all that really matters." He reached down to pat her with his left hand, only to realize, in horror, that it had been bitten clean off.

The Lunar Worm rocketed off into space, leaving its trail of magic dust.

Hynes clawed his way out of the flaming wreckage of the Mistake. He stood , watching the lunar surface heave and churn. Hynes straightened his trench coat and adjusted his wide black hat. He sighed in deep relief, he was alive, and that was all that mattered to him. Then the moon, with all the pressure put on it exploded.

THE END

Apperantly Micheal Jackson is now dead. No regrets about that, we're finally rid of him.

What's your opinion?

Some haikus I wrote one day. Because I'm man enough to write poetry. They're all origional, and if you take them I'll crush your theiving skull in. Other than that please read, comment, and enjoy....

Get off of my lawn
You damned dirty little kids,
I'll get the Luger!

Its legs tickle me
Tarantula in my nose
I think it laid eggs

Large, graceful Mac Truck
Barreling down the highway
Turns on the exit

His hair is braided
And he is stealthy and quick
The Jewish ninja

It comes in a rush
With silent wings and foul smell
The beautiful fart

Laying in the chair
The rocker is motionless
For grandma is dead

Soaring on a wing
A bird, so free when flying
Leaves white stain on shirt

Voices in my head
Telling me to kill someone
I am not crazy

Poor orphan Timmy
Even though he has a crutch
I kicked him today

With a square moustache
He was called Adolf Hitler
Das Furher of Reich

And last a true masterpiece......

Big man sits, face clenched
He pushes but nothing comes
He's constipated

Another submission to ReNaeNae's Stroybook collab, really hope it gets in. It's kinda long, but entertaining. Enjoy peoples.......... But if you claim this is yours or use it a bunch without my knowing, you're dead.

2050 A SPACE MYTH

"I'm sorry Hank but you really do have prostate cancer." The doctor solemnly said.
"Me...me...me never think this could actually happen.' Hank the space-troll stuttered. He slowly turned and left the doctor's office. Hank pushed open the double doors and shambled out onto the space hospital's doorstep. He stared into the starry expanse before him, but only one thing came to mind. He should have listened. He remembered.

Hank was happily skipping through the field when suddenly, a giant shadow blotted out the sun. He turned and saw a truly terrifying beast. It had the demented form of a giant grub; puss leaked from every pore on its body. Its mouth opened to reveal rows and rows of razor sharp fangs. Something that looked like pudding oozed between its fangs. Leather bat wings the size of a ship's sails pumped to keep the creature aloft.
"WHAT ARE YOU!?!?" Hank screamed.
"I AM GORLAGG," the creature bellowed, "THE SPACE WORM GOD, AND YOU SHALL DO AS I COMMAND!"
Hank began to whimper, "What do you want from me?"
"YOU MUST RETRIVE MY SACRED GOLDEN PLATYPUS FROM THE SPACE TEMPLE." Gorlagg rumbled. "I RULED THE UNIVERSE WITH THAT ARTIFACT, BUT THE OTHER GODS OVERTHREW ME AND LOCKED IT AWAY IN THAT TEMPLE, I AM THE LAST GOD LEFT. I WAS CURSED NEVER TO ENTER IT AND I NEED A MORTAL TO RETRIVE MY ARTIFACT SO I CAN RULE AGAIN! YOU SHALL BRING ME THE PLATYPUS!"
After hearing this, Hank denounced all evil and yelled, "Hank never help evil monster!" Gorlagg roared in fury, tiny globs of pudding flying everywhere.
"THEN YOUR PROSTATE WILL WITHER UNDER CANCER AND YOU SHALL DIE!!!"

Hank stood there, remembering at what had happened. "NOOOOOO!!!" he yelled in desperation. Suddenly out of the black abyss of space rose Gorlagg, and he was laughing manically.
"SO PUNY MORTAL, WILL YOU DO AS I COMMAND NOW?"
"Yes..." Hank sighed, "me guess me have to."
"GOOD THEN CLIMB ONTO MY BACK AND I SHALL TAKE YOU AS CLOSE TO THE TEMPLE AS I CAN GET." Rumbled Gorlagg; it was obvious he was pleased. Hank eyed the mountain of Gorlagg's back disgustedly, but he managed to climb aboard. The mighty worm god's wings started beating faster and harder and they shot off into space.
They flew through the blackness for what seemed to be days, but eventually they began to see the bulk of the space temple. Gorlagg crashed down into the field encircling the temple.
"THIS IS AS FAR AS I CAN TAKE YOU," he rumbled, "NOW GO, AND RETRIVE MY ARTIFACT!" Hank jumped off Gorlagg's back and turned to face the temple. It soared hundreds of feet into the air, and was built out of solid gold. It had many layers like an Aztec temple; there were stairs that led to the top, and he could see a shining light radiating from the top. Hank could even hear the massive jets that held it suspended in space. He began to run toward the temple as fast as he could, but when he got closer he saw a figure at the steps. The figured stood up and yelled, "Halt!"
"What is you?" Hank questioned.
"I am the temple's high priest." said the figure. "And my name is Larrondo." Larrondo stepped a little closer and Hank could see what he really was. He was wearing flowing purple robes, had long shriveled arms, but mostly it was the fact that his head was a giant eyeball.
"How do you eat?" said Hank.
"I'm maaagic!" said Larrondo.
"Well how do you tal-"
"I said I'm magic!" Larrondo interrupted. "I know why you're here though. You want the platypus, don't you?"
"Yes" Hank replied.
"Well you'll have to pass my test." Said Larrondo "All you have to do is eat this sandwich, while on a pogo stick, hopping through a minefield, while I throw rocks at you. Easy enough, right?" Hank just stood there with a terrified look on his simple face. He took the sandwich Larrondo handed him, mounted the pogo stick, and began to hop.
"Just hop toward those little lumps." Larrondo said. Hank hopped forward, and suddenly a rock sailed over his head. There was a thump, and then an enormous bang. The ground was exploding all around Hank, and he did the only thing that came to mind; he crammed the sandwich in his mouth, and swallowed it whole.
"Very good!" Larrondo said after the smoke cleared. "You really didn't have to do that, but I get bored up here. So just climb to the top and get your platypus then." Hank was extremely angry, but he had to get the platypus first.
After a long, hard climb Hank finally saw the platypus. It was small, but like the temple it was made of solid gold; holiness radiated from it. Hank picked it up. Suddenly he was aware, he was intelligent. He could speak correctly, and most of all his cancer was gone. He now knew what he had to do, he had to stop Gorlagg.
When he got back to the temple's base Larrondo was still there.
"I need your help to stop the evil worm god Larrondo. You are magic right?"
"Meh, I've got nothing better to do." replied Larrondo. So, they ran as fast as they could to where Gorlagg waited. When he heard them he turned his massive head in their direction.
"WELL THEN, GIVE ME MY PLATYPUS NOW!" bellowed Gorlagg.
"No we're here to stop you." replied the newly educated Hank.
"THEN I SHALL DESTROY YOU AND TAKE IT THEN!!!" roared Gorlagg. He flew into the air then came charging down at them. Hank tossed Larrondo the platypus, who began a strange chant while hunched over it. Gorlagg swooped down and Hank barely missed being crushed. He flew high into the air, roared again, and began to breathe fire. Soon most of the field was in flames. Gorlagg swooped directly down a t Hank again.
"Hank, catch!" Larrondo yelled, and threw the platypus which now had a blue glow around it. Hank caught the platypus and threw it into Gorlagg's mouth. Gorlagg just continued to charge at Hank, but his skin started rippling. Gorlagg began to howl in rage as he realized what was happening. Then he exploded. Gobs of spongy meat and green slime rained down on the heroes.
"What are we supposed to do now?" Larrondo asked.
"Well I haven't eaten in three days..." Hank said while eyeing a big chunk of meat.
"Hmmmm....yeah why let something like that go to waste..." replied Larrondo.

And Gorlagg was never seen again...

A Christmas story I wrote a loooooong time ago. You can tell it was awhile ago 'cause of all the o's. Well, I got some sketches to go with this and I really hope you include this. If not, I got one about a Troll with prostate cancer.

A Very Carl Christmas
Once there was a family of monsters. Now, they weren't evil monsters, they were friendly monsters that lived in a small town in Ohio. They were like giant eggs with sharp teeth, and they were all named Carl. There were three Carls; Poppa Carl who supported this family with a job at the glue factory, Mamma Carl who stayed home and mopped their grimy floor all day, and last there was Carl Jr. Carl Jr. wasn't the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree if you know what I mean.
It was Christmas Eve and Poppa Carl had just come home from his job at Cousin Scooter's Happy Glue Plant.
"CHIKEN!!!!" Carl Jr. yelled and jumped onto his father's head and began to bite it.
"GAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" Poppa Carl screamed then shook Jr. into the floor. "I told you we gotta put a muzzle on that kid!" he told his wife.
"He's just excited about tonight..." Mamma Carl said.
"YEAH!" Carl Jr. blurted, "Tonight's the night saint Hanukah comes down from Cactus Town to give all the happy little children Christmas tacos!!!!" Poppa and Mamma Carl stared at him in horror. They gave each other a look as if to say, 'Dear God, not this again!'
"Ummm...." Poppa Carl started, "here just go play with this glue upstairs and don't come down again...." Then Poppa Carl handed him some of Scooter's Industrial Strength Glue. Carl Jr.'s face glowed with happiness and he hurried upstairs to go play with his glue.
"Well, we'd better get to sleep too," said Poppa Carl, "tomorrow is Christmas after all. Ahhh... I remember my first Christmas, there was so much laughing and fun. And then there was that meteor shower, and the dog; then there was crying and running....and...... screaming...so much screaming......." His eyes got a distant look.
"O.K. then....off to bed for you to mister." said Mamma Carl with a concerned look on her face. She pulled Poppa upstairs while he stuttered "That dog, that poor dog....." They finally stumbled upstairs, got into to bed and went to sleep.
Around three hours later, close to midnight, there was a shuffling sound on the roof. A small head with short hair peeked over the couch, his eyes darted around. There was a muffled thump in the fireplace and two thick legs started to come down. They wore thick black boots and sickeningly bright red pants stained with soot. Carl Jr. didn't even wait.
"CHIIIIKEN!!!!" he roared. He flew over the couch into the chimney and clamped his huge teeth onto the fat leg. A muffled yell came from the chimney and the leg started to thrash. Momma and Poppa Carl were woken up by the noise and rushed downstairs.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Mamma Carl screamed.
"Mmmfffppphhhh!" came Jr.'s reply. They voice in the chimney just yelled louder.
"No son that's not chicken!" said Poppa. Carl Jr.'s eyes turned to him. "That's a burglar you gotta bite him twice as hard as chicken!!!" But right as Jr. started to bite the leg attached to the mystery man kicked out, Jr. let go and he flew across the room and smashed into the Christmas tree. There was thumping and swearing on the roof and then the sound of something lifting off into the air.
Carl Jr. crawled out of the rubble of the tree, and went to stand beside his parents. They stared around the room. It looked as if an angry tornado had fought a hurricane.
"Poppa, Mamma do you think Santa Clause will come to our house tonight?" asked Jr.
"I'm sure he will." said Momma. "Why would Santa ever have a reason to skip our house?"
"Well after saving the house you deserve something special. Let's all go eat some pancakes." said Poppa Carl.
"WHOOPEE!!!" shouted junior, and then they all started laughing.

THE END